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Let’s imagine a handsome man like, say, Ryan Gosling. Let’s say he’s rowing that damn ‘Notebook’ canoe of his across the lake, his back muscles and ruggedly sexual beard emitting vagina-crippling waves across the galaxy like a solar flare, only he docks on a strange shore and proceeds to get lost in the surrounding woods. Then he ends up  in a castle, where he’s taken prisoner by some snarling she-beast with cankles and a billowing thicket of nostril hair. Now, I pose to you this question: Even if the she-beast turns out to be pretty cool, and as funny as Kristen Wiig, and she’s got some bitchin’ anthropomorphic appliances, will Ryan Gosling ever want to be more than just friends?

Of course not. The rules state that the beauty/beast relationship only works in one direction. Which is great if you’re a man. Not so fair if you’re a woman in the kind of world where Sofia Vergara and Ed O’Neill are even fictionally sleeping together.

The Gentleman Lover recognizes this inequity and willingly submits himself to a higher standard of grooming. He appreciates a woman’s efforts to look her best, and if reciprocation means experimenting with different guard lengths on a pube trimmer, so be it.


One Comment
  1. Mike permalink

    I’m so happy you brought Kristin Wiig in. I love her! If Ryan knew what was good form him, he’d jump at any chance to hook up with her and more than friends.

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